So it continues..

Hello there? How are you?
Be honest, don't you hate that sometimes? When someone looks at you in the eye and asks you how you are when you both clearly know you are just plain crappy? I do. Oh yes, I do. Why? Because they caught me. Thought I was too smart wearing this mask of "fine", but once someone asks how I am, I break. Its comforting, revealing, and taunting. Comforting because someone finally cares to ask..taunting because now you have to face the truth...the mess you are in that you created..well of course this is about me, I don't know about you.

So, how much longer can I hold it together? Eh. The exact question would be, how much longer can I put this off?
I am in the biggest tug-o-war that I have ever had to fight with. My sanity is holding on by the finger and just want to see what happens if I just let go. My heart strings are as thin as a pin now, not left with as many as I started with. This overpowering shadow of solatary have been the creator of the tears I wish would end.

Where am I?
I'm okay during the day, I feel on top of the world and its easy to ignore all of this. BUt, once I fall asleep, I wake up in the middle of the night bawling. It has been an ongoing sleep that I have not been able to wake from. I stay up in my bed...thinking...feeling.

This needs to end. The right way. The way I always told myself I would. I have hope, but I am weak. I have never been this weak.

Its nice to finally admit it. But, now what am I going to do about it?

Well, baby steps I assume. One breath at a time, no matter how much it burns.
I have to learn to just not care anymore...but how can I be like that?