My precious child...

At work again, and not feeling like me at all. Physically and emotionally. Woke up with bad sore throat, worse than yesterday. Did not want to work at all. But, here I am sitting on my chair staring out the window, silently. Then out of nowhere, tears started to build up. Why am I crying? Why right now? I feel awful and I feel defeated. I am drained and my semester has yet to start. I am healing, very, very slowly. My heart sank as the painful events flashback...about everything. Abandoned, misunderstood, given up on, and pressured on. So many expectations from me, but I have none anymore of others. I didn't use to feel this way, I feel forced to think this way...

But, of course, something inspiring happens.

Someone comes in the office after volunteering their time. " Here, I found this, maybe this belongs to someone," as he hands me a key chain. I expressed my appreciation and sat back down. The door closed behind him and I looked at the silver key chain and my heart jumped. It is an oval silver key chain with black imprinted footsteps, I slowly turn it and I smiled as I read the inscription:

" My precious child, I love you and would never leave you. When you see only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you."

I stood up and went to the break room and cried. Tears of hope and relief. How is this not a sign? How can it be coincidence that at the moment when I felt like all hope has been lost this was given to me as a reminder? My God, I know you are here. Its hard to see you, even through the cracks of my heart, but I feel you closer in my sorrow.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!

At work again...

So, I was thinking, I think I will start a new "category" or whatever its called titled, " At Work again..."

I always tend to blog the best while I sit at my front desk. Its quiet and have so much time to think, but its a good thing. The reason why the silence of my workplace isn't like the silence of my room is because, well, the people. I work at a Parish Office as the receptionist on the weekends. It will be almost 3 years now working at the parish I have been apart of since I was baptized.

Its a very small community and everyone knows who you are. In some ways, it can be quite suffocating, but not for me. I see it as a family. So, working here has only enriched me even more. The people that come in the office regularly have become my friends and many even mentors. I always receive sincere compliments, prayers, and best wishes, even if I had just met them twice.

I remember the day I first applied here. It was the middle of my first semester of my freshman year in college. I was having a hard time with the stress and well, with the recent death of someone very, very close to me, my niece. So, I would drive myself just after class to the church and sit there. Well, one day I was having a very hard time so I headed over. I parked farther so I had to walk past the main office. Without even thinking or prior planning, I propped my head in and asked if they were hiring. Just like that! I have never worked for anyone else but my parents, in which they even "fired" me ( ha ha funny story). And, to much surprise, they were! So, without any expectations I filled out the application and walked out. A day later, they wanted me to go in for the interview and was hired that same day! It happened so fast, but it was so exciting! And here I am, 3 years down, waving down the people that walk by. I love it here. Every time that I am here, I am surrounded with so much kindness, its refreshing. Sure, there is a good diversity, but unlike the other receptionists, I haven't had to deal with rude or "not fully there" persons till this day, well in person that is. There are a few people in particular that I have built a very nice friendship with, and they are all older than me, way older.

Two people that I have in mind in particular, and the inspiration for this blog, are a Spanish speaking older couple that come in every Sunday. Very respectful and filled with faith. They remind me alot of my parents, just a bit more open and outgoing. We have built a very special bond. We talk about religion, their kids, my studies, and love. Well, about everything. Sometimes its just 10 minutes, but my conversation with them is the one I remember the most that day. Today, we spoke about perseverance and the drive to study and become someone. Then it geared to choosing the right partner, a part of the conversation where I felt very vulnerable to everything they were saying. " You are a woman, not a chair or servant, you must find someone that truly values you as the woman that you are and the mother of their children" says Mrs. De La Torre. " You should depend on no one, but your strength to move forward, but if you find a true man, you will learn to rely on each other, not to be stepped all over on" Mr. De La Toree quickly added.

I almost teared up. I hear this all the time from my parents over the table ever since I can remember, but its different when others say it to you, especially when they have not seen you grow up. I just stood there and thought to myself, how is it that they have only known me for such a short time, that they see how much I am worth and how much I truly value?? HOW IS IT?! And how is it that someone that has known you more intimately, gave up on that completely? Or did not see it at all?!?

It boggles me.

Well, to much further ado, I welcome you all to read my hopefully weekly updates during my working hours. Its not just about what they came in the office for or where I work, its the quality of the conversation from people that learned to care for me and remind me who I truly am all along.


Until next time,
Andreina :]

Don't throw in the towel, use it to wipe your brow

" When you feel like throwing in the towel, use it instead to wipe of the sweat and work even harder" -Kandee Johnson

This has touched a very special place in my heart. The person in particular who said this has comforted me. She is an infamous markeup artist on youtube and probaly the sweetest person you may ever meet. CHeck her out! youtube/kandeejohnson!


The real reason why I have not blogged was not just because I have been busy...but I was giving up. I was giving up on everything I have always preached about. " DO THE IMPOSSIBLE" " FOLLOW EVERYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES" " NEVER GIVE UP"...BUT, its different when you are faced with times where it seems like it is inevitable to fall in sorrow. My heart is damaged and old wounds have been teared open. I get so mad that I have allowed myself to feel like this, but that is because I never used to allow myself to "feel" anything... I don't know. I really do. not. know. I should be proud where I am right now, but I still find myself sucked in. I know my physical and healthier changes have helped me and proves my strength and perseverence, but i'm emotionally wounded. I can't take much like I used to anymore and that angers me. I have worked so hard for everything that I have ever received, but with who to enjoy it with? The single life, like I have discussed with Teresa, isn't so great as its set-up to be. It was awesome for awhile, but the lack of intimite companionship really drags me down.The lack of someone that will always love you and be by your side makes me tear up every day. This feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. But, I can not allow myself to be sucked into whatever this is or may be. I have so much to be thankful for..I have so much to give.But, that is all I have ever known to do. Give, give, give. I do not regret it, but when am I finally going to find the one that appreciates me...and gives also. I have been taken advantage of in ways many would call me foolish. I have been lied to because I chose to listen to my heart rather than my gut. I have been betrayed by a person who said would take a bullet for me.



Yet, these should never be the reasons or the anchor to weigh me down. We all have the tools to succeed, once we have realized they are in us since the beginning. The harder you try for your goals, whatever they may be, the harder its going to be. THAT is when you should push harder. When it feels like you are ready to completely give up, that is because you are closer to your dream or goals than you think. Things are never given to you in life, they are granted to you. People are going to tell you you are not enough, you are not going to make it, or your goals are unreachable, or break your heart. Those are moments you take to push yourself even harder. One step at a time, may take awhile, but move forward, never backwards. Life only lives in the present, you will soon stop wallowing your past and not fear the future.


The possibilities are there to be taken. All I need to do is put my head back on my shoulders and go. I may be shattered, destroyed, and butchered in spirit, but that is what will make my success even more great.