This has touched a very special place in my heart. The person in particular who said this has comforted me. She is an infamous markeup artist on youtube and probaly the sweetest person you may ever meet. CHeck her out! youtube/kandeejohnson!
The real reason why I have not blogged was not just because I have been busy...but I was giving up. I was giving up on everything I have always preached about. " DO THE IMPOSSIBLE" " FOLLOW EVERYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES" " NEVER GIVE UP"...BUT, its different when you are faced with times where it seems like it is inevitable to fall in sorrow. My heart is damaged and old wounds have been teared open. I get so mad that I have allowed myself to feel like this, but that is because I never used to allow myself to "feel" anything... I don't know. I really do. not. know. I should be proud where I am right now, but I still find myself sucked in. I know my physical and healthier changes have helped me and proves my strength and perseverence, but i'm emotionally wounded. I can't take much like I used to anymore and that angers me. I have worked so hard for everything that I have ever received, but with who to enjoy it with? The single life, like I have discussed with Teresa, isn't so great as its set-up to be. It was awesome for awhile, but the lack of intimite companionship really drags me down.The lack of someone that will always love you and be by your side makes me tear up every day. This feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. But, I can not allow myself to be sucked into whatever this is or may be. I have so much to be thankful for..I have so much to give.But, that is all I have ever known to do. Give, give, give. I do not regret it, but when am I finally going to find the one that appreciates me...and gives also. I have been taken advantage of in ways many would call me foolish. I have been lied to because I chose to listen to my heart rather than my gut. I have been betrayed by a person who said would take a bullet for me.
Yet, these should never be the reasons or the anchor to weigh me down. We all have the tools to succeed, once we have realized they are in us since the beginning. The harder you try for your goals, whatever they may be, the harder its going to be. THAT is when you should push harder. When it feels like you are ready to completely give up, that is because you are closer to your dream or goals than you think. Things are never given to you in life, they are granted to you. People are going to tell you you are not enough, you are not going to make it, or your goals are unreachable, or break your heart. Those are moments you take to push yourself even harder. One step at a time, may take awhile, but move forward, never backwards. Life only lives in the present, you will soon stop wallowing your past and not fear the future.
The possibilities are there to be taken. All I need to do is put my head back on my shoulders and go. I may be shattered, destroyed, and butchered in spirit, but that is what will make my success even more great.
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