Vent before bed.

SO, this is new to me. I don't really vent, atleast not publically. I don't even know how to start, quite honestly. The picture of the tornado is the perfect depiction of what I am feeling this very moment. Anger, overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, pissed, and all the dandy stuff! I don't even sound angry, if you were to see my face at this moment you probably wouldn't even notice it. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it was something that I had just found out about a friend of mine that just completely set me off. I am just so mad at him. He committed that same betrayal that I have been victim of just recently. How in the HECK is that supposed to make me feel? Maybe because he just shrugged it off like it was nothing...seriously??

The worst thing is that I am currently on skype with him and just seeing his face while he was telling me threw me off! I couldn't even control my reaction. I just stared at him quietly, almost close to tears. I know I shouldn't hold this against him, but seriously, I have known this guy since 6th grade, so sweet and nice, and then I find this out?! wow. Just wow. Just because it totally shocked me just like the day I found out about my relationship. The lies..the deception..the betrayal...

I don't know. I have really good days and then sometimes they just spiral down. I just keep telling myself that this guy that hurt me meant nothing to me before I met him, so he can easily mean nothing to me now after. I pray and BEG God to help me through this.

Atleast I still laugh...atleast I still smile...and atleast I am still me. I thought I was done. I thought I was done going through this pain. I rather much go through the loss of my niece all over again than the hurt caused by a complete yule, because atleast she deserves to be missed. She deserves to be remembered everyday.

Well, I am going to bed. To pray again. To lay down another night.

One day, all of this won't even matter. I can not wait for that day where I can look back and just see how far I have gone. How much I have accomplished and how much HAPPIER I am to be at that place in my life where I was always meant to be. Successful. Happy. TRULY In Love.